To Dust You Shall Return

Play this para mas feel. [audio:http://www.musicwebtown.com/chuvaness/playlists/127163/1044225.mp3]

It has been exactly a week today since she passed away. The whole family is in such a state of emotional turmoil ’til now. There is so much emotional drain and constant physical and mental strain. This is the first time we have experienced mourning for someone very dear to us and ang sakit sakit pala talaga. She died of liver cancer. I don’t even know she had one. Last last Monday, the doctor said she only had 1 to 3 months to live…but after 8 days, she’s gone already. Yung tanggapin lang na may taning na yung life nya was a major shock to us. It was too soon. The doctor refused chemo process kase her body wont respond to it na daw. All the time, she was fighting for her life. Ang hirap pala pag helpless yung case talaga. Minsan tinatanong ng Aunt ko yung anak nya kung kelan sya mag chemo, bat antagal daw, gusto pa daw nyang mabuhay. She didn’t know kase na 1-3 months na lang ang binigay sa kanya. My other aunt just told her the day before she died na anything can happen, pwede syang kunin ni God anytime. Her husband came home 2 days before she died. Her 2 kids didn’t make it on time. Tuesday morning, masaya pa daw sya, nagkukulitan and trip na trip nya yun pinapakanta yung HAWAK KAMAY while ka-holding hands yung husband nya and then by 10:30AM, nahirapan syang huminga then she died peacefully and you know what’s her last word…sabi nya “Hallelujah Jesus” kaya alam namin na she’s with God.

People are so gracious. Nakaka-overwhelm yung mga tao dun sa SMCF kase they offered their church kaya naging comfortable lahat. We didn’t have to pay para sa place and it’s just around the corner kaya yung mga visitors, they can sleep over sa bahay. The first night, we were all waiting sa labas ng church…nun dumating na yung funeral truck and nun binaba na sya, ang bigat sa dibdib. Ang lungkot, halos walang nag uusap…we were just singing Christian songs tapos kinanta ni Uncle yung theme song nila na BOULEVARD (I don’t know why…you said goodbye…) haaay…I’m telling it was one big dramatic night! The next morning, dumating yung only son nya straight from Cebu and I never imagined a guy na pwedeng umiyak ng ganun ka-intense. 3 po ang naka alalay sa kanya. It was one event na I will always remember. My mom and my lola naman, they got home Wednesday morning. Ang alam ni lola, my aunt was still in the hospital so she was asking each of us kung sinong nag babantay sa hospital and iba-iba kami ng sinasabi. We din’t tell it agad to Lola kase baka naman sumunod bigla sa tyahin ko kase may sakit sya sa puso. And the kids, talagang they don’t have any ideas talaga of what was happening. Like yung bunsong anak nya (9 yo), after na makita nya yung mama nya sabi nya sa min…”bat ang puti ni mama..ang ganda naman ng mama ko” and then my kid sister naman after nya makita, she was really laughing tapos sabi nya “ni-lipstickan pa jud” and the other 2 kids naman ginigising nila si Lola Tina kase natutulog daw.

 

Every night, we had funeral service, tapos may mga nag-testimony…nakakaiyak na nakakatawa. Nung kini-kwento ng mother ko yung buhay nilang 3 mag kakapatid nung bata pa sila, yung hirap nila sa buhay…na-appreciate ko bigla every little blessing na natatanggap ko. They grew up na walang father. Yun mother ko is the eldest and sabi nya itataguyod nya daw yung dalawa nyang kapatid kaya wala akong masabi sa closeness nila. Until today, magkakapitbahay sila kaya my cousins and I grew up na sobrang close talaga. May biglang mag k-kwento na ang most memorable moment nya was nung kinukutuhan sya ni Auntie. Yung bestfriends nilang magkakapatid since they were 16-19 yo were there. Yung mga stories na dun mo lang maririnig, nakakatuwa. May biglang pupunta sa gitna and then kakanta na lang. Halos all throughout the night, may choir. Nakakagaan pala talaga ng loob somehow yung may naririnig kang Word of God/preaching. We were trying to make it a happy funeral somehow. Sabi nga ni Lui, parang di naman daw lamay, parang birthday party daw.

Sunday morning, we were all dressed in white. Nun nilabas sya sa church and nilagay dun sa funeral car while playing BALLAD POUR ADELAINE (Lovingly Yours Ate Helen soundtrack)…we were all crying. Pagdating sa Valenzuela Memorial, yung before isara yung casket, that was the hardest part. I never saw my Uncle cried the whole time na naglalamay but that moment, ang sakit tingnan.

All her life, family lagi ang inuuna nya. She was a good wife and mother and daughter and sister and aunt. All she wanted was for her kids to finish schooling. Pag nagpunta kayo sa bahay nila, yung wall nila puro graduation picture from nursery to college ng mga anak nya. Kaya nga ayaw nya mag pa-opera nung una kase nanghihinayang sa gagastusin. Wala talagang papantay sa pag mamahal ng INA.

You know, I realized, ang iksi lang talaga ng buhay. God can take it anytime. Ang hirap pala talaga mawalan ng mahal sa buhay. Minsan, mapapatanong ka na lang kung may God ba talaga and where was He when all these things happened…baket you have to go through every pain and sufferings…and why do you even have to live and then die eventually…Hindi ko maiintindihan ang wisdom ni God. All I know is that He’s God and without Him, I am nothing. Hindi naman pwedenghadlangan ko ang plano Nya for me and my family. I will be STILL and know that He’s God and whatever it is that comes my way, good or bad, I will trust Him.

Few weeks ago, ang lakas lakas nya, di mo maaaninag na inside, she’s dying…tapos ngayon, wala na akong mapag iiwanan ng susi sa bahay, wala nang magsasabi na mag take home ako ng pasalubong pag galing ako sa birthday party…wala na ang Aunty ko na kumare ko din. We will miss you, your laughters and your frankness and all your chorva chenes and the likes…we will see you in Heaven someday.

By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return…..

~Genesis 3:19

I’d like to thank the people who offered support and prayers. We’re deeply grateful po sa mga nag text at naki-dalamhati sa cyberworld–> Reyna Elena, KK, Bluep, Ambo, Pusa, Jojie, Doc Joy, Diwa, Chuva, Manay Beng, Iris, Nika, Lui, Jumz, Aimz, JP and Lizzie, Mimi, Jun and Ruthie


ALAMIN ANG INYONG KAPALARAN. LIBRENG HULA:

Delivered by Madam Auring

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60 Comments

  1. Nakakatouch ka talagang magkuwento Malen. It shows that you loved her deeply and that she was a big part of your life as well. Alam mo, dito sa States, di maintindihan ng mga puti yung mga pa-piktyurakas natin sa tabi ng ataol. Kaya na-remember ko yung namatay ang mother ko.. para kaming may beauty pageant sa tabi ng casket niya.. naloloka ang mga puti.. hahahah!

    May God rest her soul.. I’m sure your auntie is in heaven. I love the last words she uttered. That was very touching.

    1. @chuva, thank you ha lukresia ka talaga! nae-emote emote ako dito…nun nabasa ko tong comment mo…tawnag tawa ako…na i-imagine ko kase kayong BUTSE GANG hahahah :em55:

  2. natuwa ako nung sinabi mong parang bday party sa wake niya. the big difference talaga when you know the person is assured to go to heaven is that there is sorrow, but eventually, you will rejoice because he/she is with God already. it’s nothing to be sad about. sure, we have a loss, but it’s only physical.

    when my aunt died (my family was also very close like yours), it was difficult to see my cousins suffer through the loss. but i kept telling them, it’s not going to be forever that we won’t see her. there’s still that glorious place called heaven. 🙂

    my prayers are with you, malen. but He alone can give us the peace we need.

    1. kaya mukhang bday kase andaming food. haha. thank you RIS for your very encouraging words. yeah, that was the painful part eh…seeing my cousins suffer…bilib ako sa kanila kase ang babata pa yet they’re very strong already…

  3. As humans, it’s easier for us to believe that there is no god because we feel the weight of our burdens that the graces that we are receiving everyday. Simple things but when collaborated, definitely bigger than the troubles we all were having. But we are humans, that’s why the path to the kingdom is narrow not because God made it so but because of our weakness as humans. We often blame God when something bad happen to us but we often fail to thank Him for all the simple blessings we are receiving. For sure pag nanalo tayo sa lotto abot-abot ang pasasalamat natin sa Kanya pero yung simpleng hindi tayo nalate sa office nakakalmutan nating ipagpasalamat.

    Talagang nakakalungkot ang kwento mo, pero mabuti narin that you all were able to spend good times with your Aunt while she’s still present.

    Ang bait ko no?

    1. hoy ilabas mo si KOTSENGKUBAAAAA!!!! nag papanggap ka!!!

      ganun naman talaga…when you’re sad and broken…dun mo hinahanap si God…kaya madaming mahirap ang relihiyoso..but when you’re happy and successful, you tend to ignore Him…

      kaya ang prayer ko kay God wag ako masyadong payamanin kase baka makalimutan ko Siya

      oi pero gusto kong yumaman so I can share it to others…biglang bawi hahahah

    1. thank you ever mami kat! ang hirap pala talaga ng sakit na cancer..akala ko OA lang yung sa TV pero ganun pala talaga…sobrang painful and kahit di mo nararamdaman physically yung pain nya, by just seeing her…somehow ma fe-feel mo kung gaano kasakit yung pinagdadaanan nya

    1. hehehe…hay naku si Inday, anlaki na. ang kulet. kita kits tayo. thank you pala IT sa effort ha…sayang di mo nakita sa Cassie..grabeng laki na..one time, punta sya sa bahay..and sabi nya andun daw si Anty Tina sa kwarto namin andun daw sa kama…tinatawag daw sya ng CAS CAS…paulit ulit nyang sinasabi…wag daw namin lalapitan kase natutulog…waaahhh…natakot kaya kami…pasaway na bata

  4. natuwa ako ate nong mabasa ko comment mo don ke inang, naisip ko naka move-on ka na.
    naaalala ko parati sinasabi ng nanay ko, gawin lahat ang makakaya hangga’t buhay ang tao at kung dumating ang panahong mahiwalay sayo eh nde ka makonsensya na pinagkaitan sya.
    kapag talagang maganda relasyon natin sa pumanaw talagang mahirap tanggapin na mawawala sila. sa panahon ng burol ngmumukha talangang reunion at nagging masaya pero oras na ilabas na sya ng bahay, ung napansin ko sobrang bigat. palibhasa un na huling pagkakataong makakapiling natin sila.
    importante ate matanggap ninyong lahat na nauna lang sya.

    1. thanks toni! statue? hahaha…ganun naman talaga…we have to move on. i totally agree with yah…mare-realize mo lang yun importance nun isang tao pag wala na sya…so while you can, spend time with your loved ones.

      kelan ba nauna ang pagsisisi?

  5. my sincerest condolences. my gran passed away more than 12 years ago, but it sometimes feels just like yesterday. like your lola, she had cancer of the liver too. we had more than a few months with her, but it was really hard to see her suffereing and hooked up to all those contraptions. i was really sad when she left us, but at the same time, i felt glad because she was at peace.

    your lola lives on in you malen. as much as you were a part of her, she remains a part of you. be happy, she would want you to be. i’ll pray for her soul!

    1. hello caryn! thanks for the kind words. hahahha, isusumbong kita sa lola ko hehehe…tita ko po ang kinuha na ni God. wag naman pong si Lola dahil baka di namin makayanan ang sunod sunod…

      thanks for dropping by ha. :em50:

  6. hanggang ngayon pag may “pumapanaw” hindi ko pa din maiwasang malungkot kasi naaalala ko yung pagbabakasyon for life ni daddy. 3years ago na yun pero hanggang ngayon pakiramdam ko nagluluksa pa din kami. hays.. ang fragile talaga ng buhay.

    1. am sure..you’re dad is soooo proud of yah amiga…eh sikat na sikat ka na noh hehehehe
      labyu jojie. sabi nga ni toni, ang mahalaga matanggap natin na nauna lang sila…

  7. hi malenski I didnt know kung di ko pa mabasa ang blog mo. my condolences to you and you family. pa hug and pa kiss na rin, its so hard to loose someone so dear in the family but we should think that at least she’s in peace now and hindi na pinahirapan pa diba?

    tc

    1. syanaaaaa! thank you dear. soo much. you are sooo right. ang hirap hirap tingnan nung nag su-suffer sya…parang if we could just do something para maibsan yung pain..kaso wala eh…

  8. Hey sissy, I’m sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it is for every one in your family. I guess the only consolation is that she’s with the FATHER now. My prayers are with you…

    1. Thanks gracey! mahirap tanggapin sa una…like now, pag naliligo ako sa umaga…naiisip ko pa din yung itsura nya…kaya nakapikit ako pag naliligo kase pag dilat ko sya nakikita ko sa wall..haha. minsan maaalala ko yung tawa nya and all those things she used to do

      lalo na siguro yung nararamdaman ng mga pinsaneses ko…mas mahirap but this too shall pass di ba

  9. I had 3 in my family. 1st was my father, 3 years after that my mother and a few months my sister. I almost declared bankcrupty because everyone relied on me financially. The last was my boss, whom I considered a family, the was the most devastating. Looking at all these pictures reminds me of my parents very much because although both of them lived in the US with me, both of them passed away in the Philippines. It’s really tough losing someone who’s close to you. I should know. When my boss passed away (Mike), I was the wailing at indi ang asawa at talagang kahiya hiya, but i didn’t care. Till now, I missed all these people but of course I miss my boss much more. It will take time, believe me. But you’ll move on.

    1. i read your story about mike. he was just 37, grabe. my aunt was 47. sana talaga magkaroon ng cure sa cancer.

      alam mo, nabasa ni MADAM tong comment mo and tawa sya ng tawa..naiimagine ko na nag ngangangawa ka dun hahaha kabisyo ka talaga oo…

      pero kung ako man ang may boss na magbibigay ng LEXUS aba syempre magwawala din ako

  10. Naiyak naman ako dito. Actually, when I went there, naiyak din ako after we left. I can feel kasi how much she was loved and at the same time, I’m happy that maraming nagmamahal ke Auntie Tina. Sabi nga nila diba, you will know how much a certain person touched, moved, changed, and loved others by attending their wake. Masakit or masama but true. I pray to God that He may give her family strength. God bless. Mwha!

  11. What a touching story.

    Natawa lang ako nung umpisa dahil sa “Play this para mas feel” :em41:

    Anyway, please accept my deepest sympathies.

  12. Hi Malen, again…I am so sorry to hear about your Auntie. Sa pagbasa pa lang, damang-dama ko ang sakit at lungkot na iyong dinarama or nadarama.

  13. Again i am extending our deepest sympathy Malen.

    Tama ka mahirap mawalan ng taong mahal sa buhay. When my father died, 8 years ago, biglaan bumagsak after 8 hours he’d dead already. Ang hirap pala lalo na kung nakapag iwan ka ng di maganda alaala sa taong pumanaw. Ang Dad ko laking pag sisisi ko, never in my life i said I Love You to him. Nung patay na sia, sa ICU dun ko lang sinabi, it’s too late.

    Kaya sana, mahalin natin ang ating mga mahal sa buhay. Mahirap ang sisi kung wala na.

    I know you Aunt is more happy now with the Lord, than the pain she suffered here.

    Be strong Malen.

    1. thanks ambo! yun ang mahirap, pag wala ka ng pagkakataon na itama lahat ng mali. naks parang telesine. lol. Agree ako with yah…love thy neighbor as you love yourself di ba kaya world peace naaaa hehehhe

  14. Malen, we know that your aunt is so happy now that she finally meet our Savior.. alam ko she really had a blast sa life niya.. and you are a witness to it..

    1. thank you dhez. ang kinalulungkot ko lang eh yung umalis sya ng sobrang aga…there are a lot of good things na pwede pa sana nyang ma-experience…madami pa sanang swimming..reunions..brithdays etc.

      pero ganun talaga..di naman pwedeng hadlangan ang plans ni God di ba

  15. ay nako! ang lungkot naman ng nabungaran ko. nakikiramay ako, Malen. ang hirap talaga tanggapin ang mga pangyayaring ganyan lalo na at ka-anak mo pa. pero sabi nila, may dahilan ang lahat at sadyang lahat tayo ay papunta doon kaya dapat talaga ay laging maging handa dahil hindi natin pare-pareho alam kung kailan ang takdang araw. naiiyak na nga ako sa pagkakabasa kaso bigla akong natawa (excuse me lang ha? pero natawa talaga ako) kasi dun sa photo, naka-posing lahat at nakangiti at na-echapwera na ang kabaong. parang walang patay? LOL.. pero bandang ibaba, sabi nga nung isa, parang hindi lamay, parang bday party? pero true enough, it must be a time to celebrate because she is now with the Lord.. she is now free of pain… she is now in another life. May she rest in peace.

    1. haller kiwi! thanks for the kind words. pila kamo kami jan nun nag papa picture hehehe…kodak moments daw eh.lol. naniniwala din ako na lahat ng bagay may dahilan…and at this point, gusto naming isipin na isa ito sa mga plano Nya for us.

  16. Condolence Malen… naiiyak naman ako dito sa post mo… naalala ko tuloy nung namatay father ko. Ganun talaga ang buhay, lahat naman tayo dun ang punta, una-una lang naman yan. Madali lang sabihin pero ang totoo masakit pa rin isipin na hindi mo na sila makikita at makakasama. Pero pinauwi na sila ni God kasi tapos na ang misyon nila dito. We just have to be strong. Magkikita-kita pa rin tayo sa ating ‘Grand Reunion’ in the end.

  17. Hi, Malen!

    Condolence to your family.

    Indeed, it is not easy losing someone we loved so much. Everyday is a blessing! GOD will give us endurance to face every challenge of our life. Keep clinging to GOD’s embrace. GOD LOVES US and GOD BLESS! :em50:

    1. hello shy! thanks for dropping by ha. it’s never easy talaga. i didn’t know how it feels kase now lang talaga namin to na-experience but God is good pa din all these times…thanks for your encouragements ha see yah around!

  18. im so sorry to hear about your aunt. and even if this is late, please accept my condolences.

    mahirap talaga mawalan ng mahal sa buhay. but like what the others said before me, she’s in a better place now.

    side comment lang: lagi kaming hirap mag-pose sa pics during wakes. di mo kse malaman if you’re going to smile eh nawalan ka na nga di ba?

    1. antuken! thanks thanks! it’s better late than never di ba…thank you!

      mga picture adik kase ang familia ko..basta may camera..automatic naka plaster ang smile hehehe

  19. nagmomoda ako ngayon ate malen dahil kay auntie tina, dahil na rin nabsa ko ung post na to…nalulungkot ako…umiiyak ako ngayon, nalulungkot ako….ngayon ko lang nararamdaman ung pagkawala niya…

    1. michieee! nagmomoda din tuloy ako. ano bah! nakakalungkot pa din diba…si nanay nga minsan mag k-kwento na lang bigla…si Lola, nagpipilit na dalawin daw sila owen..pagnakikita ko si RL, nakikita ko ang mama nya. ano ba yan. hay, it will never be the same again…pero ganun naman ang life diba wala tayong option kundi tanggapin kase imposible naman buhayin pa ni God si Anty eh nakakatakot kaya yun pag biglang um-attend yun sa bday ko o kaya sa bday mo sa May 19 hahahhaha

      i love you cousin! mwah! mwah!

  20. Hi Malen! Sorry ngayon lang nagparamdam.
    Im so sorry to hear about your aunt.
    My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

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