Play this para mas feel. [audio:http://www.musicwebtown.com/chuvaness/playlists/127163/1044225.mp3]
It has been exactly a week today since she passed away. The whole family is in such a state of emotional turmoil ’til now. There is so much emotional drain and constant physical and mental strain. This is the first time we have experienced mourning for someone very dear to us and ang sakit sakit pala talaga. She died of liver cancer. I don’t even know she had one. Last last Monday, the doctor said she only had 1 to 3 months to live…but after 8 days, she’s gone already. Yung tanggapin lang na may taning na yung life nya was a major shock to us. It was too soon. The doctor refused chemo process kase her body wont respond to it na daw. All the time, she was fighting for her life. Ang hirap pala pag helpless yung case talaga. Minsan tinatanong ng Aunt ko yung anak nya kung kelan sya mag chemo, bat antagal daw, gusto pa daw nyang mabuhay. She didn’t know kase na 1-3 months na lang ang binigay sa kanya. My other aunt just told her the day before she died na anything can happen, pwede syang kunin ni God anytime. Her husband came home 2 days before she died. Her 2 kids didn’t make it on time. Tuesday morning, masaya pa daw sya, nagkukulitan and trip na trip nya yun pinapakanta yung HAWAK KAMAY while ka-holding hands yung husband nya and then by 10:30AM, nahirapan syang huminga then she died peacefully and you know what’s her last word…sabi nya “Hallelujah Jesus” kaya alam namin na she’s with God.
People are so gracious. Nakaka-overwhelm yung mga tao dun sa SMCF kase they offered their church kaya naging comfortable lahat. We didn’t have to pay para sa place and it’s just around the corner kaya yung mga visitors, they can sleep over sa bahay. The first night, we were all waiting sa labas ng church…nun dumating na yung funeral truck and nun binaba na sya, ang bigat sa dibdib. Ang lungkot, halos walang nag uusap…we were just singing Christian songs tapos kinanta ni Uncle yung theme song nila na BOULEVARD (I don’t know why…you said goodbye…) haaay…I’m telling it was one big dramatic night! The next morning, dumating yung only son nya straight from Cebu and I never imagined a guy na pwedeng umiyak ng ganun ka-intense. 3 po ang naka alalay sa kanya. It was one event na I will always remember. My mom and my lola naman, they got home Wednesday morning. Ang alam ni lola, my aunt was still in the hospital so she was asking each of us kung sinong nag babantay sa hospital and iba-iba kami ng sinasabi. We din’t tell it agad to Lola kase baka naman sumunod bigla sa tyahin ko kase may sakit sya sa puso. And the kids, talagang they don’t have any ideas talaga of what was happening. Like yung bunsong anak nya (9 yo), after na makita nya yung mama nya sabi nya sa min…”bat ang puti ni mama..ang ganda naman ng mama ko” and then my kid sister naman after nya makita, she was really laughing tapos sabi nya “ni-lipstickan pa jud” and the other 2 kids naman ginigising nila si Lola Tina kase natutulog daw.
Every night, we had funeral service, tapos may mga nag-testimony…nakakaiyak na nakakatawa. Nung kini-kwento ng mother ko yung buhay nilang 3 mag kakapatid nung bata pa sila, yung hirap nila sa buhay…na-appreciate ko bigla every little blessing na natatanggap ko. They grew up na walang father. Yun mother ko is the eldest and sabi nya itataguyod nya daw yung dalawa nyang kapatid kaya wala akong masabi sa closeness nila. Until today, magkakapitbahay sila kaya my cousins and I grew up na sobrang close talaga. May biglang mag k-kwento na ang most memorable moment nya was nung kinukutuhan sya ni Auntie. Yung bestfriends nilang magkakapatid since they were 16-19 yo were there. Yung mga stories na dun mo lang maririnig, nakakatuwa. May biglang pupunta sa gitna and then kakanta na lang. Halos all throughout the night, may choir. Nakakagaan pala talaga ng loob somehow yung may naririnig kang Word of God/preaching. We were trying to make it a happy funeral somehow. Sabi nga ni Lui, parang di naman daw lamay, parang birthday party daw.
Sunday morning, we were all dressed in white. Nun nilabas sya sa church and nilagay dun sa funeral car while playing BALLAD POUR ADELAINE (Lovingly Yours Ate Helen soundtrack)…we were all crying. Pagdating sa Valenzuela Memorial, yung before isara yung casket, that was the hardest part. I never saw my Uncle cried the whole time na naglalamay but that moment, ang sakit tingnan.
All her life, family lagi ang inuuna nya. She was a good wife and mother and daughter and sister and aunt. All she wanted was for her kids to finish schooling. Pag nagpunta kayo sa bahay nila, yung wall nila puro graduation picture from nursery to college ng mga anak nya. Kaya nga ayaw nya mag pa-opera nung una kase nanghihinayang sa gagastusin. Wala talagang papantay sa pag mamahal ng INA.
You know, I realized, ang iksi lang talaga ng buhay. God can take it anytime. Ang hirap pala talaga mawalan ng mahal sa buhay. Minsan, mapapatanong ka na lang kung may God ba talaga and where was He when all these things happened…baket you have to go through every pain and sufferings…and why do you even have to live and then die eventually…Hindi ko maiintindihan ang wisdom ni God. All I know is that He’s God and without Him, I am nothing. Hindi naman pwedenghadlangan ko ang plano Nya for me and my family. I will be STILL and know that He’s God and whatever it is that comes my way, good or bad, I will trust Him.
Few weeks ago, ang lakas lakas nya, di mo maaaninag na inside, she’s dying…tapos ngayon, wala na akong mapag iiwanan ng susi sa bahay, wala nang magsasabi na mag take home ako ng pasalubong pag galing ako sa birthday party…wala na ang Aunty ko na kumare ko din. We will miss you, your laughters and your frankness and all your chorva chenes and the likes…we will see you in Heaven someday.
By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return…..
I’d like to thank the people who offered support and prayers. We’re deeply grateful po sa mga nag text at naki-dalamhati sa cyberworld–> Reyna Elena, KK, Bluep, Ambo, Pusa, Jojie, Doc Joy, Diwa, Chuva, Manay Beng, Iris, Nika, Lui, Jumz, Aimz, JP and Lizzie, Mimi, Jun and Ruthie