STALKING 101

Ok, I admit it, I SOMETIMES stalk *SOME* people on the internet – classmates, crushes (i’m sooo ederlyn), neighbors and yes, BLOGMATES. Hahaha. My breakfast, lunch dinner and snack is my PC and my bestfriend is Google. I could spend an entire day just doing it and I’m so darn good (I believe) but I guess, no one is gonna beat IT. I love unlocking codes, solving mysteries and making up my own haka-haka. When I first read The DaVinci Code, I cracked the password to open the cryptex — APPLE. Haha, anataray, ka-level ko si Robert Langdon! You wont believe it but in real life, I’ve even cracked email and Friendster passwords too. I am scaring you, I know but don’t worry, I ONLY put this talent into good use and believe me, it saved me from the dark many many times and besides, I want to believe that gone are the days of my stalkinghood. The stalker is now a lurker eh.

So, let me share to you some tips I’ve learned for the past years of doing cyber-stalking — The urban guide to becoming a (successful) cyber-stalker.

  • Sign up with every social networking site available, especially Friendster.
    Statistics show tha 5 million of Friendster’s 21 million users are Filipino. So I guess there’s some truth to this:

“If I can’t find you in Friendster, you do not exist”

  • If you cannot find him/her in Friendster, try it on Myspace, Facebook, Multiply, Yahoo 360, Zorpia, Yuwie, Match.com, Linked.com, hi5, Bebo, Christianter, Eskwela, Pinoyster etc. He/She’s gotta be out there somewhere.
  • Turn ON view profiles anonymously in your Friendster account.
  • Check out if he/she got any SCANDAL on youtube, google video
  • To know more about his/her dreams and plans, check out 43Things!
  • If you like to find out what’s he/she doing NOW as in NOW NA, check out TWITTER.
  • They say YOU ARE WHAT YOU LISTEN TO, so to get to know the person hiding behind that cute face, listen to his/her playlist at Sounpedia, imeem, Last.fm and who knows, she might be a singer/composer/band member at Soundclick.
  • To check out if he/she owns a blog, Technorati it!
  • To get to know her family, friends and some places he/she has been to, Photobucket, Webshots, Picasaweb, Pbase, SmugMug, Kodak gallery, Flickr and Zooomr are the place to be. (applies also if you wanna check if he/she is AVAILABLE or IN A RELATIONSHIP or JUST LOOKING AROUND or CHEATING BIG TIME!!!)
  • Must have accounts in any of the following — YM, AIM, MSN, GTALK, Skype, ICQ and the classic mIRC.
  • Find out his/her thoughts and opinions in life thru Pinoyexchange, Peyups, Digital photography, Mukamo, TrsitanCafe and WPP Forums.
  • Must have a keen eye for details
  • Must have access to internet 24/7
  • Never underestimate the power of google image and yahoo and google MAP!
  • Always start searching with nickname and then add popular suffixes (ex. malen can be malensky, malenski, malenster, malentot etc.)
  • And last but not the least, must have a list of PROXY SERVERS!

ALAMIN ANG INYONG KAPALARAN. LIBRENG HULA:

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26 Comments

  1. ay oo nga pala meron akong crushie nun 2nd year college na naging kapitbahay ko nung 2004-2007 tapos ka friendster ko at ka multiply ko rin pero nde ko know ang real age nya at bday.

    After reading your stalking suggestions ang lola mo hinanap at nakita ko na sa wakas.

    Kala ko mas tanders ako sa kanya hahahaha

  2. Maniwala kayo dyan kay malen promise *hahahahaha

    eto lang ang antidote kay malen if you dont want to be stalked by her or her kind

    1. do not sign up to any account that you cannot maintain or visit less you will just give her clue or juicy tips

    2. always lock your friendster in private mode. chnage your password into something unfamiliar. do not use surnames, birthdays, age, names, places or anything that can be identified to you. the more remote the password, the less the risk of being hacked.

    3. do not put your “true” primary picture on friendster. put it on your photo album. no one outside your friend’s list can see it because of your privacy lock

    4. change the name of your friendster profile. if your name is “Malen” then change it to “Ate Guy” so that you will confuse anyone with your identity

    5. change the email address on your settings area. if your public email address is kuneho@gmail.com, then make a new account which only your friends know and then replace your email address on your friendster settings so that if stalkers would look you up on friendster, it will not show

    6. do not add people you do not know because there are many posers on friendster. they maybe just posing to get on your friend’s list

    7. dont be stupid enough to fall in love or get gullible on pictures. this is the digital age. anyone can turn a frog into a prince.

    yan ang aking pitong sakramento ng anti-stalking… pag sinunod mo yan walang makaka stalk sayo lol. kaya si malen di umubra ang stalking power sa akin hahahahaha

    pero in fairness di na nang-iistalk si malen kasi nahanap na nya ang kanyang true love hahahahahaa….

    Peace kapatid hahahaha

  3. You put a lot of thought into this. I never went beyond looking at their profile and looking at their friends profile. I must be an amutuer stalker.
    I hope google earth will update with better visuals soon because that’s going to be my #1 stalking tool.

  4. @ hahaha, hinde pa jojie, pero maya maya hanapin ko yang video mo…mare hanapin mo din yung scandal ko dun…mas!

    @ hello dhez…gudlak on your stalking hehehe, will link you too. teynx

    @ hi SUGAR, babae lang yata ang maghilig i-stalk eh no

    @ Hannah, oi magagalit si FRED!! May iba kang ini-stalk!! hahahha

  5. malen – nu ka ba si fred maraming ini-istalk, samantala ako isa lang hehehe…

    send ko seo link ng crushie ko hehehe – sa email na lang kasi baka malaman ni crushie na crush ko sya nun pa hehehe

    ini-istalk din ako nun sa multiply so malamang alam nya yung blog site ko hehehe

  6. BLUEP! haha, hinde daw umobra…kaya pala alam ko na ang real name mo pati address hahaha pati kung san ka nag prof etc.

    @LABTIM…NAMAN!!!

    @EXENE, hello, interesting site you have, will link you ha and thanks for dropping by

  7. BORDS!!!! Yup, bords, na-stalk na kita. Haha. alam ko gs2 mo magpaka anonymous pero di umubra. Haha. Your name starts with J and ends with N. You drink capuccino and play sudoku. Nalula ako sa academic chenes mo at alam ko na ang specialty nimo. Bioinformatics ek ek. Tama ba?

    @ REYNZ, well, I know your birthday, your real name and your address in Philadelphia. You’re a member of PMAP and did you work at Carlos J. Valdes & Co. before? Hahaha

  8. EkkkkkK!!!!! THIS IS NUT RIGHT! hu hu hu! Ok, since you will find out this scandal anyway – might as well just open up with you! hu hu hu! It’s true.
    It’s true.
    Piolo Pascual and I were an item.







    Item for sale.

  9. The nosebleed has a nice house. I’m loving it, Malen. Kaso, yung header image parang na-strecthed nadugo lalo. JOKES.

    Do you stalk nekid people din ba?

    Eh kung ikaw ang na STALK ng stalker, whaddya think?

  10. Haneeef! Ang galeng mo bords! Ang bantot ng name ko ‘no, JUAN? Kaya nga gusto kong anonymous eh. LOLs. Request ko lang na wag mong ipagkalat yung mga scandal pictures ko, ok? Hahaha!

  11. Bords… sarap mang blackmail lol. pinipigil ko lang sarili ko pero kanina pa talaga ako natutukso na mang blackmail LOL

    bords alam ko masaya na naman araw mo… and im happy for you lalo na at dalawa na ang puso mo. hahahaha Guard your heart hahahaha

    I will have the “secret na malufet” as a black mail in case you blackmail me hahaha

    God bless!

  12. @K — I’d like to believe that I’m projecting a very wholesome image. Haha.

    Nyahaha, my life is an open book. I’ve got nothing to hide. And there’s nothing to stalk about me. 🙂

    Thank you. Ok din ang bago mong house, very classy.

  13. @ REYNA ELENA, I have a cousin kamukha ni Piolo Pascual, pramis.

    @ BLUEP, subukan mo lang! mas madami yata akong iskandalong papasabugin pag nagkataon. Harharhar

  14. hahaha! ngayon lang ulit ako napadaan dito
    HOY MALEN! anong noone’s gonna beat IT????!!! hahaha
    suerte lang talaga kasi ang information ang kusang lumalapit sa akin, kahit di ko hanapin hehehe… korak lahat ng mga sinabi mo dyan at marami pang ways sa totoo lang. pinaka-effective siguro ang kausapin mo directly… katulad ng ginawa ko kay TOOOOOOOOT. get get aww!

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